Wednesday, June 18, 2014

My Boyfriend and I Have Been Together for Almost 18 Years

If you know me, you know that I have been with my current boyfriend for three years, so maybe you are wondering what I'm talking about. Maybe you don't give a damn.

Well, I'm talking about my other boyfriend, the one I met in September of 1996, when I was 15. Our actual "date" is September 14th. We are still together, making this my longest lasting relationship ever. I'll tell you how this happened:

As I mentioned, it was September of 1996. Bush, Pearl Jam, Oasis, and Smashing Pumpkins all had number one hits on the Billboard charts that year. My boyfriend and I met the very same week that Tupac Shakur died, and even more importantly, the week that Alija Izetbegović was elected president of Bosnia and Herzegovina in the country's first election since the Bosnian War. I was 15 years old, and in the 10th grade-- not quite grunge, but not quite goth. I had tossed my flannel shits, but it would still be a couple years before I was dressing in vinyl. I was a total fashionista-- for my first day of 10th grade, I wore a Radiohead t-shirt, black wide-leg jeans that I cut on the bottoms, imitation Vans, a wallet chain that was so heavy that my pants were actually in danger of falling down from being pulled by the weight, black Robert Smith-like eye makeup, and green lipstick. The place to be that year was Roosevelt Field Mall-- not to buy anything, but just be cool-- not that I needed any validation of my coolness.

So, back to that legendary week in the middle of September-- there was upheaval in the world of hip-hop, history was being made in Bosnia and Herzegovina, and I met my boyfriend in the Sam Goody music store at the mall. He was everything I wanted in an 18 year old man-- straggly chin-length blond hair, reminiscent of the late Kurt Cobain, six feet tall with the build of a female waif, and ill-fitting clothes, obviously purchased from Pacific Sunware. He also had a wallet chain. I knew we were meant to be together.

Our initial courtship was intense, but divine. He told me that he loved me in the parking lot of the East Meadow library after we had to evacuate due to a fire. It was my first mature relationship. I had to hide in the backseat of his car while we drove past my house because I wasn't allowed in a car with a boy.

As the one month mark approached, I began hearing from my boyfriend less. I sensed his interest dissipating. I would beep him my phone number, or call the alpha text lady to have a message sent to him (remember-- it was 1996), but he would not respond. I was distraught. I did the only logical thing I could think of-- I made out with his best friend. Still, nothing. Our relationship fizzled, but a portion of the spark clearly remained, as he never actually broke up with me.

Our 18th anniversary is approaching this year. I have desperately tried to be a good girlfriend over the years; however, the amount of space and freedom that he was so liberally taking, did begin to affect me several years after we met. As such, in 2001, I began dating a man who I eventually married in 2005. That didn't work out too well, and the marriage ended in 2010. At the time, I reevaluated my relationship my boyfriend, and I reached the conclusion that he is most likely still taking some time to figure things out. Therefore, I met someone else in 2011, and we have been together ever since. There are times, though, when I feel I owe it to my boyfriend to let him know of the developments and changes that have occurred since we first got together. Undoubtedly, there many specific questions that that are worthy being asked, such as: Where did you go? What happened?

I have no way of knowing what's in store for us, but I sure am excited. We have had so much time to grow and mature as separate people. I can only surmise that we are becoming even stronger as a couple.

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