Friday, March 18, 2011

Inventory of What was ON MY PERSON (in my bags)

I went to visit my mom in NY on Tuesday afternoon. When I left for NY, I had my pink backpack and small person purse with me. I barely ever drive to NY. I would rather eat a bowl of centipedes. I take Amtrak and Long Island Railroad.

I just proofread this entry before posting it, and I noticed I had written that I had a "small person" with me. I meant that I had a purse. I'm just doing the strike-through and leaving it, because now I'm picturing myself fighting my way through Penn Station with all of my bags, sweating and frustrated, plus one small person to carry, as well.

When it was time to return (on the following day-- Wednesday), I had acquired enough additional belongings to host a garage sale. I have never flown, but I can only imagine what would happen if I had tried to go through airport security with the things I was carrying in my bags.

Here's a list of the bags I was carrying ON MY PERSON: (I love saying that!)

-- One authentic early 1970s suitcase (Found it in my mom's closet). It's the type of suitcase that would cause most people to say, "Ha, ha!! What an eyesore! The 70s was not kind to luggage!" It caused me to say, "Yes!!! I have struck gold. This is the most perfect suitcase in the history of luggage!!!"
-- One ugly, manly, boring, lacking-in-style, black suitcase
-- One medium sized tote bag
-- One small purse
-- One backpack the size of an adult unicorn

Before I talk about some of the things that I had ON MY PERSON (!!!), I will just give you some background about myself, so you can see the sense and relevance in this odd combination of stuff.

-- I'm an artist and I do mixed media work and combines painting. I work with found objects, which basically means I like to sift through crap, collect it, and find ways to incorporate into my artwork.

-- I enjoy certain Jewish delicacies that cannot be found in the local supermarkets in South Philly.

-- I have never met my grandparents, so I tend to collect little pieces of history every time I go to my mom's house in NY.

So, if someone had inspected my bags on Amtrak, that person would say, "Ma'am. We need to detain you for questioning. We have searched your bags, and have found a variety of hardware including screws, nails, and washers, Israeli artifacts, several boxes of potato latkes, door hinges, unidentifiable metal pieces, a stereo receiver, and a Kosher salami."

No comments:

Post a Comment